Monday, October 28, 2002

hearing better than deaf?

Last night at dinner time was pretty much the first time I actually thought about my deafness.... I was thinking that maybe it would be better off if I wasn't deaf at all.

We had company over last night, Ben, Rob, my sister were over. And we were all sitting at the kitchen table and I could not follow the conversations as usual. I am SICK of not being able to follow conversations! Mom tried to clue me in on what they were talking about but it didn't help much. Rob did talk to me but I couldn't understand him. (Turns out that Rob was trying to talk PERFECTLY for me as my mom told me last night at about 9.) I also couldn't understand Ben but half of his face is numb from the Bell's Palsy so I don't blame him for not talking as well.

While everyone was talking, I just sat there thinking about my deafness. Even thought a little about cochlear implant.... *sighs* I'm just confused about the whole thing! The problems with school, wanting to be around deaf people again, wanting to be NOT deaf anymore, blah blah blah blah, I don't know what to do anymore.